For Papa

 It's never easy to lose a loved one.  Whether their passing is expected or not, whether they were old or young, they leave a little hole in your heart, one that will never quite be the same.  

Today, there is a hole in my heart.  This morning, my grandfather (the last of my 4 grandparents) passed away.  He wasn't ill, wasn't being hospitalized, he was just old.  It was just his time. 

It seems that with my other 3 grandparents, their passing was the finale in a dramatic chain of events.  Whether due to a fall, progressing Alzheimer's, or simply a failing body, with each of them, we knew that their last days were just that, the last days.  We had time to prepare, we knew it was coming, and we made as much peace with it as one can expect before their bodies finally gave out. 

After enduring the tense moments that we now associate with his predecessors, we had all hoped that Papa's passing would be quick and peaceful.  That he wouldn't linger in a vegetative state, that he wouldn't be hospitalized, or be the victim of an incapacitating fall. 
  As it turns out, he was more than willing to oblige.  There was no emotional build up to the final days, there wasn't even an indication that we were near the end.  It was just, over.  He had slipped away.  A phone call early this morning, the quick realization that he was gone, and we all began to mourn the peaceful passing that we had prayed for. 

Rather than focus on things that I can't control - I wish I'd seen him recently, I wish I could be there to hug my mom, I wish I could be there for the funeral - I'll, instead, use my energy on something more positive and productive.  I will remember him as he was for the bulk of my life - one who gave fierce hugs, who flirted with nurses, who truly loved his children and grandchildren, and someone that I was blessed to know for 30 years!

*In Loving Memory*