Tuesday, May 29, 2012

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Over Memorial Day weekend, Ben and I headed to Virginia and North Carolina to meet up with some of my college friends and to visit our old stomping grounds. 

With the exception of one, it had been 3 or 4 years since I'd seen my friends!!!  Isn't it funny how fast time flies? 

Rather than go on and on (and on and on) with funny stories from the weekend (which I could totally do), I'll share my list of things that I learned this weekend...

1.  I have been blessed with wonderful friends - no matter how much times goes by, we can pick right up where we left off without skipping a beat

2.  It's strange to see women that I only knew from college as mothers - chasing their kids, juggling bottles and spoons and baby food, applying sunscreen, issuing time-outs...

3.  Elon University truly is a beautiful campus - and the pictures online just don't do it justice

4.  No matter how hard you wish for it, certain states will never be geographically closer together than they already are (so we decided to be happy that we're all in the same time zone)

5.  When it comes to coordinating multiple families, sometimes you have to just make it happen!

6.  No matter how much time has passed, with true friends, you revert right back to being a giggling sorority girl (which I'm sure is in no way overwhelming or annoying to those around you).

7.  I don't take nearly enough pictures

8.  There are just some people in the world who make you feel like the best, happiest, funniest version of yourself

9.  Cook Out milkshakes are the best (if you've never spent time down South, you just don't get it)

10.  If I met my college friends for the first time as we are now, I believe that we would still be friends!!!

Thanks for a great weekend, Heather (Eric, Paige, and Caleb), Tisha (Steve, Ethan, and Benjamin), Kristen (Matt and Nathan), and Michelle (and Jonathan)...and to my darling hubby Ben, who bravely ventured down memory lane with me!!!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Talking to Cars

Do you talk while driving?  Not to passengers in your car or to someone on the phone...but to other cars/drivers.

I've noticed over the past few weeks, that I have a tendency to talk to cars.  I don't know if I'm doing it more than I used to, if I'm more aware of it for some reason...or if there are just more idiot drivers on the road!!!

I'm sure that my fellow drivers wouldn't entirely appreciate my "creative criticism" on their driving skills if they could actually hear me - I'm very careful to only comment if my windows are up (yes, I'm just that passive aggressive).

Most often, my comments are just that...comments.

Simple things like "Easy there killer" or "Ummm...Hellooooo" if another vehicle begins to wander into my lane or suddenly slows down for no reason.  Half the time, I don't even address the driver...instead I speak directly to the car, as if it has some control over what it's doing: "I see you red car...do you see me?"

Occasionally I'll find myself stuck behind "that guy" who insists on going 10 mph BELOW the posted speed limit in the left lane (and almost always there is a line of semi-trucks in the right lane).  This driver will generally get a friendly "Move your ass, you moron!" or an "Oh my God, are you kidding me?!?!" from my general direction.  

Then every so often some asshole "enthusiastic" driver will zip between cars traveling at high speeds without so much as a turn signal or a glance at his/her blind spot.  Other times, an overconfident (usually young) individual will be texting, applying make up, or changing a cd, and swerve into my lane.  In these cases, I am more than happy to let my fellow driver know how I feel about their little maneuver, by expressing myself with delightful suggestions like "Get your head out of your ass" or "Get off the f-ing road you dick".

(As a side note: since I got my new car, I take advantage of the built in Bluetooth/Speaker phone function every chance I get, so more often than not, the person that I'm talking to on the phone gets a front row seat for my "colorful display of distaste" with other drivers)

Oddly enough...I very rarely use my horn.  I'm not THAT person.

In any case,  I don't think this qualifies me for official road rage...instead, I'd say it's more of an intolerance for drivers who suck!

Thursday, May 3, 2012


I've been traveling by plane since I was an infant.  At least a time or two each year, I find myself jet setting somewhere.

So, needless to say, I've accumulated my fair share of observations about flying. 

As my flight made it's final approach into Las Vegas this evening...I was considering the conclusions I've drawn over the years.


1.  There should totally be a "plus sized section" - 2 bigger seats instead of 3 teeny tiny ones...I would absolutely pay a little extra money for that kind of comfort.  Wait...isn't that First Class?

2.  I pack waaaay too much in my carry-on bag.  I don't know what I think I'm going to do with the few hours of flight, but I never end up touching half of the stuff I cram into my poor little bag.  Perhaps it's the lingering trauma that I experienced when I tried to fly home during a blizzard, was stuck on an airplane for about 6 hours, and was finally stranded in Chicago...but I certainly don't need 2 books, Sudoku puzzles, headphones, makeup, nail files, brush, mirror...you see where I'm going with this.

3.  When the flight attendants tell you that they have chocolate chip cookies...they are lying.  The 100 calorie packs of "cookie crisps" do not count as actual cookies - they're toying with my emotions!!!

4.  People live in the middle of freaking nowhere!  Every time I look out the window from the airplane, I'm always baffled by the lone house that appears to be surrounded by a whole lot of nothing except a lone dirt road leading a hundred miles or so to the freeway!

5.  I totally profile.  I sit in the terminal before boarding, checking out my fellow passengers, making mental lists of who I don't want to be seated with.

6.  I will always be seated next to the person who believes that the armrest is THEIRS.

7.  I will always be seated behind the person who reclines their seat for the entire flight for no good reason.

8.  How many people actually read the safety card that they put in the seat pocket?  Even though I've been flying for 30 years, I'm pretty sure that I'm screwed if the shit hits the fan, because I have not taken the time to review proper exit procedures in the event of a water landing!

9.  Why do people seem genuinely surprised when their GIANT bag doesn't fit into the overhead compartment?  And on a similar note, why is the last guy on the plane always shocked that all of the overhead binds are full?

10.  The armrest next to the window should go up and down - that's easily another 2 inches for my ass!!!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Things Wives Say

Over the last week or so, I've become aware of a strange double standard in my little world.  I'm sure it's not just me...at least I hope it's not...but I've realized that I speak to Ben much differently than he speaks to me. 

I caught myself several nights ago as I was saying something to him.  It suddenly occurred to me that perhaps I was coming across as critical...or even...mean!

I'm sure none of us mean to be a nag...it just happens.

Granted, we do a lot of "lovey-dovey" back and forth - the kind of thing that would make our friends roll their eyes (or possibly vomit in their mouths).  But, when we're dealing with the day-to-day business of life, it's not all hugs and kisses, flowers and puppies, sunshine and rainbows.

So, I've been paying attention over the last few days to the things that I say. 

Holy crap! 

If Ben said half of the things to me that I say to him, I'd live in a constant state of tears and likely have trouble getting out of bed in the morning!

Silly things...things that aren't intended to be mean, but if the tables were turned, I'd certainly take them personally.  Why is it that we can speak to our husbands this way, but they can't (nor should they) speak to us the same way?!?

For example:

"Your pillow stinks!  How much do you sweat at night?" - as we prepared to go to bed.

"You're not going to wear that are you?  Can't you try a little harder than a hoodie?" - as we were getting ready to go out to dinner for his birthday dinner.

"Have you run out of air freshener in there?  Dear God, what did you eat?" - as he emerged from the bathroom.

"You don't need to eat that!  We're making smart food decisions!" - as Ben suggested that he have a few cookies after dinner.

It hit me - wives nag, wives are critical, and wives are bitches!  (I'm speaking in generalities here to keep from directly referring to myself as a critical, nagging, bitch)

Ben knows that I love him, and we certainly do our share of teasing back and forth, but if he ever suggested that I "try a little harder" with my outfit, I'm pretty sure I'd slam the bedroom door in his face and not come out for the rest of the night.

So, why does this happen?  Where did this double standard come from???  When did we learn to speak to our dear darling husbands like this???  And why, for the love of all things holy, do they let us???

Whatever the reason, whatever the cause, I'm now most certainly aware of it. 

While I can't guarantee that I'll be able to stop completely (after all, if I wasn't there to tell Ben that he stinks after working all day, how would he know???)...I'm going to try to be more aware of what I say and make sure that no matter what I say, Ben always knows that this bitch says it out of love!