Over the last few years, with the various challenges that I (and my loved ones) have been faced with, I feel like I've had a crisis of faith. Not from lack of trying, but there comes a point (at least for me) when you just run out of faith. You can't take another challenge, another road block, another straw attempting to break the camel's back. At a certain point, part of you just gives up.
I've struggled with this.
While I don't consider myself a terribly "religious" person (I don't like that word), I have always thought that I could be described as "spiritual". Since I consider one's spirituality or faith to be a very personal thing, I really haven't discussed my "loss of faith" with anyone. I've tried to pray about it, sent positive thoughts into the universe, and attempted to find the reason behind everything that I have been challenged with - all the while, waiting for some divine inspiration to come my way.
Over the last few days, I feel like I've been given several signs, signs leading me back to faith. Little things, somehow making it easier to see that there is something larger at work, something worth believing in. It's funny how, when you pay attention (and also when you least expect it), you are given signs, however big or small, somehow giving you the answer you've been looking for.
Since yesterday, I've read a book (which I will discuss another time), watched an episode of The West Wing, and listened (from the front seat) to a Veggie Tales movie - all dealing with faith. Ordinarily, I wouldn't read so much into these three random acts, but I've been paying attention, and truly think that they crossed my path within 24 hours of each other for a reason.
Even with signs pointing the way back to faith, I know that it's not something that will happen overnight. It's a process, one that I need to be open to. Somehow, it's just easier to follow a path when you feel like you've been led to it, rather than wandering aimlessly and happening across it by accident.
So, you may be wondering, where is the "thankful" part of Thankful Thursday? It's right here. With so much going on in my life, I'm not only thankful for signs, but thankful for signs that are helping me to, once again, find my faith.
Erin,
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you are feeling. There was a time that I really struggled with faith. I hope I don't offend you, but here are some bible verses that I enjoy!
Matthew 21:21-22
"I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
Mark 9:23
"Everything is possible for him who believes."
Ephesians 6:16
In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Keep smiling!