Seems Strange, But I'm Thankful

We've had quite the emotional week.  It was a week of changes, adjustment, acceptance - things that are never easy under the best of circumstances, which unfortunately, these aren't.

After much deliberation, discussion, and yes, raised voices and harsh words, we have made a huge step with my dad...we took the keys away from him.

It's a long story, but suffice it to say that it's been coming for a few months now, and Monday was finally the last straw for us. 

While attempting to take a "shortcut" to meet a friend for lunch, my dad got on the freeway (which we had asked him not to do anymore) and ended up getting lost several communities away from where he was trying to go. 

Confused, he called me (at work) and I spent 30 minutes on the phone with him (in front of my new boss) trying to, first of all, figure out which way he was driving, and then get him turned around and headed in the right direction with simple instructions on how to get where he was trying to go.

So, by the end of a very exhausting and emotional day, my mom, having to be the "bad guy" (leaving us out of it so that JB wouldn't feel like we were ganging up on him) informed my dad that he would not be driving again. 

Whew, and yikes!!! 

I'd seen my parents go through the process of convincing my grandparents to stop driving, but somehow it feels completely different when you go through it yourself.

Dads are supposed to drive.  It's what they do.  Going out to dinner?  Dad drives!  Family vacatoin?  Dad is behind the wheel!  Teaching you how to parallel park?  Totally Dad's job!

Not anymore.  He has been retired, and now we're all left to deal with the emotional fallout that comes with this milestone.

It means so much for what we're dealing with from here on out - a huge loss of independence for my dad, a huge responsibility for the rest of us, the challenge of keeping him social and active...the list goes on.

As with most things, the days, weeks, and months leading up to the actual taking of the keys was a lot worse than actually doing it.  It was like taking off a Band-Aid or getting a shot - the talking about it was worse than the act! 

Now that it's done, and we don't have to worry about him leaving his car running in a parking lot, or turning off the car without putting it in park, or driving on the freeway when he doesn't know where he is (yes, we've already dealt with all of this), I feel like I'm finally wrapping my brain around this whole Alzheimer's thing.

Before this, there were symptoms.  Of course.  We saw changes, we knew he was progressing, but life was still very much the same. 

This is different.  This is tangible.  Somehow now it's even more real.

It's taken me a few days to sort out my feelings about it...sad...guilty...relieved...

It seems strange, but I'm actually thankful for a few things today.  I'm thankful that JB thought to call me for help when he got lost.  I'm thankful that he got to lunch and home safely.  I'm thankful that my mom was able to stick to her guns and do what she knew was for his own good.  

Mostly, I'm thankful that it's done!